What is your favorite joke?

Post edited by: brianpatrickwade, at: 2007/12/10 06:59

As a kind my favorite joke was this. I used to think it was really funny.

Why did the Monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead!

So is that like a lame joke? Is it even funny?

oh my god i can't believe that's your favorite! i came on here to post mine, which is strangely similar:

why did the chicken fall out of the tree? because he was dead!
why did the monkey fall out of the tree? because he was stapled to the chicken!

finally i found someone who will laugh at that!

bahahah!!! those are pretty lame honestly, but because they are lame, they are funny!

A super drunk guy walks out of a bar, stumble a few feet and then slams into a tree. Takes a few steps back, then hits the tree again and again then mutters to himself; "I stopped drinking tonight so I could walk home, now Im lost in a fucking forest?!?"



Terrible joke of the day.

XsidXvengenceX wrote:
A super drunk guy walks out of a bar, stumble a few feet and then slams into a tree. Takes a few steps back, then hits the tree again and again then mutters to himself; "I stopped drinking tonight so I could walk home, now Im lost in a fucking forest?!?"



Terrible joke of the day.

that actually made me chuckle out loud. why arent you that funny in real life

jkjk

ms. curious wrote:
XsidXvengenceX wrote:
A super drunk guy walks out of a bar, stumble a few feet and then slams into a tree. Takes a few steps back, then hits the tree again and again then mutters to himself; "I stopped drinking tonight so I could walk home, now Im lost in a fucking forest?!?"



Terrible joke of the day.

that actually made me chuckle out loud. why arent you that funny in real life

jkjk

Har har har


A baker puts two muffins in an oven, while in the oven one muffin turns to the other and says; "Man, sucks that we have to die like this right?" the other muffin turns and looks at him wide-eyed and screams; "HOLY SHIT!!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"

XsidXvengenceX wrote:


Har har har


A baker puts two muffins in an oven, while in the oven one muffin turns to the other and says; "Man, sucks that we have to die like this right?" the other muffin turns and looks at him wide-eyed and screams; "HOLY SHIT!!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"


bahahah these jokes suck!!! but they are funny hahaahhaah!

QueenBee wrote:
XsidXvengenceX wrote:


Har har har


A baker puts two muffins in an oven, while in the oven one muffin turns to the other and says; "Man, sucks that we have to die like this right?" the other muffin turns and looks at him wide-eyed and screams; "HOLY SHIT!!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"


bahahah these jokes suck!!! but they are funny hahaahhaah!

Its why they're funny.

I just read this one that gave me a chuckle


A Somalian arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the UnitedStates.

He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country , giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free education!" The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Mexican."

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. " Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America !" The person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful America!" That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East , I am not American!"

He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an American?" She says , "No, I am from Africa!" Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"

The African lady checks her watch and says..."Probably at work!!!!!!!

SymbioteX86 wrote:
I just read this one that gave me a chuckle


A Somalian arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the UnitedStates.

He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country , giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free education!" The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Mexican."

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. " Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America !" The person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful America!" That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East , I am not American!"

He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an American?" She says , "No, I am from Africa!" Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"

The African lady checks her watch and says..."Probably at work!!!!!!!

haha niiice!

bahahahah!!! Now that was a funny joke!

SymbioteX86 wrote:
I just read this one that gave me a chuckle


A Somalian arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the UnitedStates.

He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country , giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free education!" The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Mexican."

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. " Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America !" The person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful America!" That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East , I am not American!"

He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an American?" She says , "No, I am from Africa!" Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"

The African lady checks her watch and says..."Probably at work!!!!!!!


hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.... i love it!

whats not soo funny...but funny at the same time is...


that its mostly true.....

One night, after the couple had retired for the night, the woman
became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual
manner.

He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her
back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then,
he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand
over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.

He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and then the other.
His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle probing then
started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and the returned to do the same to her right thigh.

By this time the women was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself.

The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.

"Why are you stopping darling?" she whispered.

He whispered back, "I found the remote!"

ms. curious wrote:
One night, after the couple had retired for the night, the woman
became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual
manner.

He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her
back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then,
he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand
over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.

He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and then the other.
His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle probing then
started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and the returned to do the same to her right thigh.

By this time the women was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself.

The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.

"Why are you stopping darling?" she whispered.

He whispered back, "I found the remote!"

Wow.. what a jerk. haha

Karen had lost her husband four years prior and was having trouble moving on. Her daughter repeatedly urged her to return back to the world. Finally, Karen agreed to go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter knew just the person for her.

They fell in love and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills. Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties. He was naked.

"Why the black panties?" he asked.

She replied, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."

He knew he wasn't getting lucky that night. The following night, same scenario. There she stood with the black panties on, only now he was wearing a black condom.

She looked at him and asked, "What's with the black condom?"

He replied "I want to offer my deepest condolences."

A bakery owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man comes into the store, glances at the clerk and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread - on the very top shelf - he politely says to the young woman, "I'd like some raisin bread, please."

She climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, providing the young man with an excellent view, just as he surmised she would. When she comes down the ladder, he says he really should get two loaves as he is having company for dinner.

As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he orders a loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread just to watch the young woman climb up and down.

After many trips, she is tired, irritated and thinking she is really going to have to try the raisin bread herself. Once again she is up the ladder retrieving a loaf of raisin bread for another male customer. She stops and fumes, glaring at the men below. She notices an elderly man standing among the crowd of males looking up at her who hasn't placed an order yet.

Thinking to save herself another trip up and down the ladder, she yells at the elderly man, "Is yours raisin, too?" "No," croaked the old man, "but it's a quiverin'..."

Earlier my friend texted me this joke...

A man says to his wife, "tell me something that'll make me happy & mad at the same time." She said, "you fuck better than all youf friends..."

Kelly Lee wrote:
Earlier my friend texted me this joke...

A man says to his wife, "tell me something that'll make me happy & mad at the same time." She said, "you fuck better than all youf friends..."

that is hilarious!